About falling

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Argh… I am such a klutz. I fell too many times since the start of winter. 5 or 6 times to date. And I did not even slip last winter. Something must have gone wrong in between.
Each fall on the pavement was hard, and painful. They always happen when I am walking too quickly. When I am distracted by other thoughts. And 80% of the falls occur around the area I am staying. Probably because they don’t really bother about pouring gravel and sand on the minor pavements. And I don’t learn my lessons, do I?
Anyway, what hits immediately is the embarrassment.
Then I realize the sharp pain, which I amazingly bear with until I collect myself and continue walking.
As though I am fine. As though nothing had happened, when really, I just want to dig a hole in the snow and hide…

spooked out

Thursday, January 24, 2008

I stirred from my sleep as my phone rang at 2.52am. It was from a local number I did not recognize. There was no answer from the other side when I answered. Thinking that some drunk must have dialled the wrong number, I went back to sleep.
It was 2.54am when the phone rang again. And there was no answer from the other side when I picked up the phone. All I could make out was gibberish... My phone was my alarm clock and I did not want to be late for class later, so I was was reluctant to switch it to silent. I thought the calls would stop.
Just when I thought I could go back to sleep, the phone rang at 2.59am. ARGH! That was the last straw... I was quite irritated because whoever this person was, he or she was defintely preventing me from getting my sleep. I was peeved! I was tempted to holler at the person but I was more overwhelmed by fear, no thanks to my over-active imagination, so I rejected the call, and switched my phone to silent. I would probably wake up before 8am the next morning anyway...
I thought I could finally get back to sleep, but my mind was too busy generating all the worst case scenarios... This is going to sound really silly, I know. Every creak made me jump. The wind rattled the windows in their frames, and sent shivers down my spine. I curled up even more under my blanket...
It did not help that it was 3am in the morning. Really, this shouldn't have that much of an influence if I hadn't known it as the devil's hour... Yes, you are probably sniggering. But I couldn't help it. It was really spooky, and the strange thing is that after I switched my phone to silent, the calls stopped.
whatever man... i only managed to sleep at 4am.
And I learnt that the alarm of my phone goes off even when my phone is switched off, thanks to jo... hahaha... peaceful sleep from now on:)

i want answers

Monday, January 21, 2008

There are so many things I want to know about, that I want to find out. Imagine how nice it would be to be omniscient.
I want to know why my experiements fail all the time. Why DNA recombination don't always work. Which step went awry? Just what is wrong with the Ecoli cells? Why do they express the genes at times, but more often than not, do not? At times when my mentor does the experiment, I see progress. More often than not I feel like I am taking a stab in the dark, and things just don't work out the way they should...
Maybe its something wrong with me. With how I approach the whole grand scheme of things. Maybe it's because I do not know enough about the techniques involved. Maybe it's because I am ignorant about the very science the trade is built upon. Maybe it's because I try to rush through, and haste makes waste...
Maybe maybe maybe.
Just what exactly is wrong?
It's frustrating to want to know, yet realizing that there is no one you can ask who will provide a sufficient answer. The Ecoli would know the answers to my questions, but I cannot ask them.. can I?
Like me, my mentor cannot pinpoint which step has gone wrong. I repeat the experiment. When it becomes apparent a certain approach is wrong with each successive failure, I guess which step is the problematic one, and a different a approach is attempted. But there are only so many alternatives. And you do get tired of guessing and trying.
Maybe some experiments are never meant to work out in the first place. But who ever knows that?

 
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