what will be will be

Sunday, November 16, 2008

It was my 4th attempt, and the outcome was the same as the previous attempts.
Not an immediate failure, but the points I chalked up were enough to cost me.
I was really upset, more with myself than anything.
Starting to seriously doubt my abilities, and question whether it's all meant to be in the first place.
Whilst I'm trying really hard to convince myself that it was just my luck running into such a b*tchy tester, one can be that unlucky only a couple of times. Now is WAY pass that threshold. And I guess it's just something wrong with me... if you're good, you're good. the tester or test conditions wont' be a significant influence.
When people start asking how i did, don't even want to answer them. Yea, maybe before the next test, I should tell them to assume the worst case scenario, and not ask unless they see me jumping for joy.
Some people can pass on their first attempt, but me...
Everytime I think about taking the test again, I get knots in my stomach.
It's the thought of failing yet another time. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if that happens...
Whether or not I pass this test is inconsequential. Life goes on. But the fact that it's taking so long.. the feeling is absolutely crappy.
And the pressure just increases with each attempt
Pretty amazing how little things like that can make you doubt your self worth.